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10 Signs You Grew Up With Emotionally Immature Parents
Growing up with emotionally immature parents can be quite difficult. From inappropriate parental boundaries to a lack of empathy and emotional support, these behaviours can leave children feeling unseen, unheard, and deeply insecure. While painful, identifying these signs can be the first step to healing old wounds and breaking negative patterns.
If this describes your childhood, you may recognize some of these ten signs you grew up with emotionally immature parents.
1. You Were the Emotional Caretaker
As a child, you were often put in the position of comforting your parent. You had to suppress your feelings and walk on eggshells to avoid triggering your parents’ emotions, which denied you the space to express your authentic emotions and needs.
2. Your Emotions Were Invalidated
Whenever you expressed your emotions, your parents suppressed them. They convinced you that you shouldn’t feel that way or make your emotions about yourself. This might have led to the thought that your inner experience didn’t matter.
3. Love Was Conditional
Did you constantly try to earn your parents’ love and pride through achievements? Growing up with emotionally immature parents often makes you feel like their love is conditional based on how you perform, look, or behave.
4. Your Mistakes Were Met with Shame
If you were made to feel guilty or ashamed about everyday childhood curiosities and behaviours, chances are you grew up with emotionally immature parents. They often project feelings of shame onto their kids and use guilt to manipulate them. This causes kids to be extremely hard on themselves.
5. Your Parents Were Emotionally Volatile
Your parents’ moods were erratic, unpredictable, and extreme. You never knew what might set them off, so you always walked on eggshells.
6. Your Needs Took a Backseat
Were your physical and emotional needs often neglected or ignored by your parents? EIP’s put their desires first, leaving little room for tending to a child’s needs. Their kids learn not to depend on them.
7. Your Parents Played the Victim
Did your parents blame others for their problems and play the victim? While certainly people experience true victimization, EIP’s may use victimhood to avoid responsibility. Scapegoating and denial of personal flaws are common.
8. You Were Parentified
Those growing up with EIP’s often get parentified, meaning they take on emotional caretaking and adult roles in the family. You may have felt like the responsible one and found yourself mediating marital conflicts, paying bills, scheduling appointments, or getting your siblings ready for school.
9. Your Parents Didn’t Show Interest In Your Life
EIP’s often don’t inquire about their kids’ interests, friends, school life, and feelings. They’re too wrapped up in themselves to be invested in your inner world. You may have felt invisible.
10.You Assume All Relationships Will Be Like Your Family
Growing up with EIP’s can distort your expectations, so you anticipate the same patterns of emotional instability, neglect, and conditional approval from others. While painful, these negative relational habits can be unlearned as you heal.
Heal Your Childhood Trauma With Us!
If this resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Consider reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Dr. Lindsay Gibson’s or speaking to a therapist. You can count on Allium Clinic, where we offer services like somatic therapy and anxiety counselling in Vancouver. Our comprehensive therapist, Sue, understands your journey and supports you as an individual by customizing therapies to your specific needs.